The Invitations of our Inner Winter... Letting the Body Lead

Please note, the below content contains sensitive material linked to menstruation and menstrual health/complications with very mild reference to surgery and other topics that may feel uncomfortable or triggering depending on your own experiences. Please do reach out if you would like to explore your needs further. 

The Invitations of our Inner Winter... Letting the Body Lead.

This evening as I gave myself permission to ‘mix things up’ and continue my walk outside, as I hopped on my scheduled Instagram Live for our 'Hey Body evening gratitude' practice, I decided to let my body lead… 

‘Wait, you spontaneously decided to do your Instagram Live outside instead of at your usual “workspace”… WOW CALM DOWN MEGG!’ I know, crazy right… 

Yet for any of you people pleasers, perfectionists, self-abandoners, high standards queens, you’ll know exactly where I’m coming from when you convince yourselves things have to be done a certain way. Exhausting, I know! 

And so rather than rushing home to plonk myself in front of my tripod stand, I caught myself... in the expectation that my 'Live' had to be a certain way...

As a recovering perfectionist, that's a belief that has often kept me stuck in rigidity; people pleasing; overwhelm; stress & self-abandonment. Years of neglecting my own needs, my own desires, in order to 'show up' for my work in a 'certain way'. A way that might be deemed 'professional', 'planned' and 'well-thought out'. In the same way that for many years left me feeling very inauthentic and un-human! 

And so as I prepared to rush home for my Live. I took a moment to feel into my feet, to breathe, to 'check-in' with myself. To let my body lead... and right there, in that moment, I realised that my body didn't want to rush back to sit 'a certain way', my body wanted to stay out in the fresh air and to admire the sunset. I also looked forward to our evening body gratitude practice. And so I asked myself, can the two desires co-exist? Can I let go of my work, having to look 'a certain way'. 

And sure enough... as I leaned into this permission that evening... I started my bleed. 

Except this time, it felt different from other times. The weirdest impulse washed through me, as I got home from my sunset walk, the bodily urge to forget the ‘business stuff’ I had hoped to 'wrap-up', and to allow myself to follow the immediate urge I had to get in the bath, IMMEDIATELY. 

It was like for a moment, the tables had completely turned, and my body had put it's foot down and said 'brain STOP. I'm taking over now.'

The pain grew in my womb space, with what I can only describe as a releasing, a shedding, a deep letting go.

Perhaps a final letting go, of my work, having to look a certain way. Me, having to look a certain way…

As I tossed and turned in the water, before the bath had even filled, I started to breathe. Deeply. 

Letting go. Softening. Trusting. Surrendering. 

Throughout my childhood, my teen years, my adult life, I've always experienced extremely painful periods, since the tender age of 10. I always ‘struggled’ to let go… to slow down…. to soften… to trust… to breathe. Endless days off school, surrounded by hot water bottles and counting the clock for my next round of the strongest pain relief pills I could get my hands on.

When I dive into my maternal line, and my intergenerational and ancestral healing, it's really no wonder given what the women in my family endured. Hysterectomies, collapsed wombs, high dose pain relief, surgeries, and literal bricks placed under the end of the bed in an attempt to stop the heavy bleeds... 

I felt so disturbed by this when I first heard it. Medically, back then, I'm sure they had their reasons. Yet symbolically, the idea of physically preventing our natural 'flow' to this extent, makes me feel sad and somewhat tainted with grief.

And so, whilst my pain still tests me at times, I've learned over the years to no longer try and 'numb it', or to get in its way. Recognising that each woman's situation and influencing factors will vary greatly and at times be extremely different. For you, and at times for me, it may be that we take other measures to ease our symptoms to support whatever situation we find ourselves in in that moment. These conscious choices, I feel, deserve to be honoured and given space. 

For me, at this stage in my life, I've chosen to no longer keep myself so busy, to power through so much that I override my cycle altogether. A pattern that kept me disconnected from my body, my cyclical nature & inner wisdom for most of my life. 

Over the years, I've focused on reducing the stress & tension held in my body, and my life as a whole. I’ve learned to lean in and listen, to the wisdom and the beautiful invitations of my inner Winter. And now, more than ever, I bow down to my body. 

Allowing my body to lead. Trusting in its infinite wisdom. And allowing myself the slowness, the spaciousness, and the rest that my mother and my grandmothers didn't have the privilege of. 

And so now, I’m grateful for the invitations my body presents to me each month. 

A tender, powerful, and at times, uncomfortable reminder of my humanness, my vulnerability, my inner wisdom, my beautiful cyclical nature. 

My invitation to slow it right down, to listen, to trust, to soften… to breathe… to reconnect to my embodied wisdom. And the wisdom of the cycles that forever surround us.

So whether you bleed, have a womb, or choose to follow your energetic cycles, moon cycles or the seasons… 

Here is our reminder, that within every cycle, every season, every transition, every breath… lies an opportunity for surrender... for death and creation, for reflection… and an intention… an inhale… an exhale. 

An invitation, to shed old outdated beliefs that things have to be done ‘a certain way’. And to create our work, and design our lives, in a way that allows our bodies to lead. 

I cannot wait to dive into all of this with you ladies as I prepare to share ‘The Feminine Cycles’ with you next month. 

I feel it deep in my bones, deep in my feminine rhythm, our cyclical nature. Very much a feeling of Mother Earth calling us home. 

We’ll be beautifully weaving together an experiential journey through our inner & outer seasons, playfully 'dancing' with the elements, our energetic cycles… returning home to our feminine essence, our feminine flow, our inner wisdom. 

If you’d like to join us on this journey my loves, pop me a message with ‘Fem Cycles’ or simply if you wish to connect. I'd love to explore this further with you. 

For now, sending so much love as I lean further and further into honouring my inner Winter. 

Megg xxx